I was consuming 5-6 grams a day for over a year until 3 months ago after weed got super easy to find in my state. It allowed me to escape from my responsibilities, first thing I thought in the morning and I seriously I thought I could not quit. I then watched a video of myself interacting with my 7 year old with my super bloody eyes and looked like a loser. That and my own mom's "I am scared that you would not be able to quit" were two things that triggered me to stop right there. Weed made me resentful towards people and life, made me criticize everything around me. I am not going to waste my 40s like that.
Congratulations. Your kid will cherish their newfound time with the parent you truly are. I find it can be so hard to show your love under the cloud of marijuana dependence.
Showing love when under the influence of THC is not hard. Relearning how to without it is pretty hard. Conversely, you're so much more present as a parent when sober - even if that means you're more serious.
My parents were both incredibly neurotic, anxious people, and it has rubbed off on me. I wonder how I would have grown up if, instead of my mom's gin & tonic & marlboro lights, and my dad's ever present jack daniels & cigars, they had gone with some weed instead. My parents were not alcoholics, but emotionally absent due to anxiety. I really think things would have been much better.
I've done the same but for ~8 years thinking it helps me to deal with my PTSD.
unfortunately while _calming_ it actually increased my paranoia, anxiety and stress.
I feel stupid to realize this after so much time, but quitting completely and focusing on a more healthy diet and exercise did the trick for me. it took some time but eventually I am weed free and feeling normal again.
it was a really strange feeling to realize how bad it is for me personally.
currently I puff on some occasions, with friends, but never at home without a reason, no paranoia, no stress and no _out of nowhere_ anxiety.
If you don't mind elaborating, I'm curious to hear more about how it made you more resentful/critical, and the implication that things improved when you stopped.
Mood swings. The brain is flooded with serotonin followed by a major sense of depletion. The higher you climb, the further you fall. Recovery can take days.
I'm so happy to hear this and proud to read about it. Good for you.
I could swap weed for alcohol in your blurb and make the same comment. It's obvious in my 40s, as a husband, and a parent of two young kids, that the altered state of interacting on a day-to-day is a "waste." While haven't cut entirely, I am cutting down, and hopefully soon won't waste any time at all.
Not the person you're replying to, but as someone who is... struggling with weed addiction, I can confirm I use it, among other things, to stop flashbacks/simulating past trauma. It's a tradeoff, because it feels like I'm playing life with 30% lower efficiency (shit makes me stupid, yo), but at least the PTSD doesn't make me want to die constantly.
That’s a significant oversimplification. These days, most of humanity has access to many types of powerful potential addictions. For many of them, trauma suppression is not a necessary condition. Reward chasing can exert enormous influence on its own.
You’d actually be surprised how many people have experienced various forms of trauma since they were infants and just don’t remember it, due to their defense mechanisms, and naturally gravitate towards substances and other addictive activities like gaming and porn to suppress past and present emotional pain.
I don't believe I would be surprised and that doesn't change the fact that this is an egregious oversimplification.
What if you remember your trauma but it doesn't effect you negatively and you are still easily addicted.
There are many ways to be addicted and not all of them are trauma related. Modern psychology relies heavily on diagnosing trauma, and connecting trauma to existing behavioral issues because it is useful.
We've got Tiktokers thinking they all have undiagnosed trauma.
Weed is super easy to find anywhere on the planet, any time, thanks to darkweb marketplaces.
I am a raging addict, have been for over a decade now, and I just get small parcels delivered to wherever I’m going to be if I’m away from home. Cambodia, Oman, Finland, wherever, it’s trivial.
Honestly, I wish it weren’t so easy. Then it would be easy to quit, which I would sincerely like to do - but as long as I can punch a few buttons and have weed appear I am well and truly trapped in my little Skinner box.
Hey friend I was in this situation until recently. A decade of trying to stop smoking and drinking wore me down and I’d given up trying. As long as I could get it, I would.
Im sure you are familiar with the seductive compulsion that results in the daily cycle... that feeling that more is always better and yes of course you want some right now even though it’s probably not a good idea and oh whoops I’m high/buzzed already so might as well keep going.
I’m happy to say that feeling is now completely gone. Eradicated like it never existed. I still enjoy the experience just the same, but “that feeling” of, idk, thirst-like need I guess? That became suddenly and totally absent.
What worked for me was my first experience with Psilocybin. I was surprised, likeI said I’d given up trying to quit but was always thinking about it.
I did not take enough to have noticeable visual effects. The experience was more like an extremely lucid drunk. It comes in waves, and each wave took me out of my own perspective long enough for some real talk with myself. Identifying the Skinner box was part of it: seeing myself wanting and responding like a rat. Seeing with new clarity what it really does to me, not how I view it internally though the filter of my self-deluding stories.
All this to say, I hope you can find what I found; the ‘grass’ really is greener on the other side of addiction. I’ve smoked and drank since then without relapse—no continued use after the social event, and no desire to. Good luck internet stranger, my heart is with you and there is hope.
Add custody battle, that made me quit instantly after 25 years of daily weed smoking. Took me near 15 weeks to get all THC out of my body. I bought self tests (urine) to check myself in case I needed to pee in a jar for court. Never got to that, but been 'clean' ever since and I don't miss it. I can easily be next to people smoking weed and have zero urge. Few months later I also managed to quit with regular smoking. Leaving those things, a borderline (diagnosed by doctor not my opinion) ex wife and having my daughter 50% of the time, made me a new man. A happy one.
