Jokes aside, PUA material has been incredibly helpful in my experience.
Sure, you need to sift about all the canned jokes which work 1%, a few criminals and a bunch of fraudsters - but the community helped me out to find out good resources to become a better salesman (basically a bunch of studying psychology) and improve every aspect of your life (from gym routines, to earning more money, to fashion, etc) ultimately ended up becoming a "sure, you had your fun , now use your PUA skills to conquer the one you love".
15 years later I'm still in touch with some of those people and, while someone is still lost in the number game trying to hit some ridiculous pokemon-like numbers (the pure selfish hedonists who believe the world will end soon and we shouldn't burden the world with more children), most actually moved on and are preaching about having a loving monogamous relationship and kids.
A lot of us think chasing women for status was a waste of energy (even if it was a chance to get better psychological knowledge and self improve) and we would have been better off as virgin until marriage.
Haha, I'm not an artist. I stumble and fumble my way to the romantic life I wanted :')
I'm curious how you learn about sales. I've studied psychology too. Maybe I got too much stuck in the programming as entrepreneurship thing.
> A lot of us think chasing women for status was a waste of energy
I can see that. For me, that's not the case. The stories of my early 20s are fun!
> most actually moved on and are preaching about having a loving monogamous relationship and kids.
Yup, same. To be fair, I never wanted to hit ridiculous pokemon-like numbers. I just wanted to be in a romantic relationship. And I got my wish, and it is an even better experience than I thought it would be when I never had been in a romantic relationship.
The whole: "it will come", yea, didn't work. The whole: "don't search for it", didn't work. Hardcore goal direct action! That worked! :D
Learn about playfulness. Then understand how you're already playful by nature and hook into that (that took 3 years, once I got that down I got the results I wanted). Be playful and let her know sometimes (aka every 3 hours a small compliment) you're romantically interested in her. Some people see it as "playful and confident". If you can do that, that's it. Yes, really!
Learn how to deal with rejection (you'll get rejected a lot).
Have a solid strategy. Mine is: volume * conversion = amount of women who are romantically interested in you. My conversion is around 1%. So I need to talk to at least 100 women (during the day time or on Tinder).
Tinder, I can't say a whole lot there (I can coach you on it, email in profile). I don't think the folks on Tinder like my approach, but the women I've dated do!
Meditate. I went to a 10 day Vipassana retreat a few times, got me more connected to my body and emotions. It is direly needed. This is the reason why my name is mettamage (metta means loving-kindness in pali [1]). I did my retreats at dhamma.org
I agree that it helps, but with the express intent to develop your playfulness.
This has to be developed in conjunction with going on actual dates or cold approaching people (I prefer approaching women in the day time, a year ago I needed to do it again, it still feels like hell but being alone feels like a special kind of hell, so I know what poison I prefer).
Other than improv classes, I'd suggest to take bachata classes (explicitly bachata, not salsa, not anything else). Do not try to find your girlfriend there, it simply makes you more attractive to be with on the psychological side but also on the "I can dance a bit" side (former more important than the latter).
Final skill I'd suggest: learn how to tell a simple story. No hero's journey required, nothing grand. More on the tune off: I woke up today as usual and went running about as usual, I felt like a well oiled engine today. My mom called, and she was like "how do I turn on the computer?" And I love my mom, I really do, but I just get sooooo tired of her asking that for EVERYSINGLEDAY! It's fine, it's fine. I know it's fine. I guess I am not as well oiled of a machine as I thought, lol.
Or: I saw a cat cross the road really quick. I know cats are like that, but it still took me by surprise.
Basically the key is to express how you emotionally felt about whatever happened. The thing is, I feel things, I just never expressed them. The moment I learned how to do that, I was a lot more relatable to many people, all of a sudden.
Final thing: dare to say you think someone is cute or attractive, without needing anything from her. It should be shared as a "this is simply how I feel, interesting isn't it?" To feel this vibe more I recommend to read non-violent communication. Though, for the purposes of saying this particular thing, that book is way overblown. Still a good book though.
If these ideas seem appealing but you don't know how to implement them, I coach very low-key on the side (1 person at a time, for a few days to 3 months). I call it a hobby job. Feel free to email me.
