I realize it's an opinion blog, but can't help but notice that the author insists on comparing local compiled languages with PHP, a primarily server side interpreted language. Your static compiled binary program will continue working after a system upgrade, but your mish-mash PHP is going to break probably once per year.
That said, I'll comment on the code style this author wants to use. It's flashy, confusing, and unnecessary. This person wants to show proficiency with the language by using all its features. That's not how you write good, readable code. Come up with some personal standards for yourself and stick to them. Stop mixing every possible style. You're increasing cognitive load.
Continuing on, you want to use all the latest features of the language. That's great, but why are you trying to skin the cat three different ways in the same program? Pick one way and forget the others. If you can't fit all your code into short closures the rest will look like shit and confuse everyone else. I see this all the time with JS guys mixing bracket and dot notation. I feel like there is probably medication that can help with that.
Then we get to the fact that you want everything to throw exceptions. Like file_get_contents. No. Just no. You're not supposed to rely on that function to tell you if the file is there. That's what file_exists does. If you've made it to file_get_contents and you don't know if the file is even there, you're doing PHP wrong. You can use that function with a URL and eval to execute remote code. You're not supposed to swing it around like a broken bottle.
That said, I'll comment on the code style this author wants to use. It's flashy, confusing, and unnecessary. This person wants to show proficiency with the language by using all its features. That's not how you write good, readable code. Come up with some personal standards for yourself and stick to them. Stop mixing every possible style. You're increasing cognitive load.
Continuing on, you want to use all the latest features of the language. That's great, but why are you trying to skin the cat three different ways in the same program? Pick one way and forget the others. If you can't fit all your code into short closures the rest will look like shit and confuse everyone else. I see this all the time with JS guys mixing bracket and dot notation. I feel like there is probably medication that can help with that.
Then we get to the fact that you want everything to throw exceptions. Like file_get_contents. No. Just no. You're not supposed to rely on that function to tell you if the file is there. That's what file_exists does. If you've made it to file_get_contents and you don't know if the file is even there, you're doing PHP wrong. You can use that function with a URL and eval to execute remote code. You're not supposed to swing it around like a broken bottle.