I'm a black man working at a start up for the past 3 years and about 10 YoE at various companies.
No one is forcing you to attend these meetings, at the end of the day you are there to make money for the business and solve problems. Sooner or later there might be one or two people at these meetings and leadership will 'get' the message. Usually these meetings have anonymous surveys where folks can give feedback. On the other hand, the company believes it is worth something for you to know that they are attempting a diverse work place, otherwise they wouldn't have the meeting. I assume positive intent until proven otherwise.
If you want to figure out the 'spoon feeding' issue talk to your manager about why are you selected for tasks and why others are selected for tasks. I'd also change the 'spoon feeding' to something more positive. Spoon feeding has a negative vibe, like you are a helpless little crying baby just waiting for food. But, the reality is that you built a reputation to build software and deliver it on time. The business requires your expertise for certain tasks. The other part of spoon feeding is that there is 'food.' Who makes the baby's food? The CEO? The PM? Is it possible this baby could make their own food?
Essentially, you want to understand how are certain tasks doled out. You should ask if there are certain tasks that are promotion worthy and are those tasks fairly distributed? What tasks are 'beneath' your level i.e. did you spend a quarter working on a highly esoteric distributed problem that not a damn soul cares about, did you solve that nasty race condition that's been haunting the code base for years? This can be hard to get right because some problems are much harder to solve at certain companies than others. This conversation should reveal bias and/or general lack of competence within your manager. Then you will have to figure out how to manage your manager to get what you want out of the business.
There was one point at a startup where one engineer kept getting tasked 'big' issues and he delivered on them very well. I could have interpreted this as a fault of the company but I instead saw that he is a good engineer and can communicate and deliver on business items. On the other hand, he is also being spoon fed business objectives. Again, who is making all of this delicious food??? I had to grow in another way... I had to crawl into the kitchen, play with the ingredients, burn myself, and learn how to make my own food. From scratch mind you! I objectively look at the business without any hand holding and figure out where we could be more efficient, what we would change to save costs, risks/opportunities, and come up with a strategy to deliver. A good manager should give you hints about opportunities, but genuine curiosity can be a savior. I make the food now.
On a more personal note it is nice to have allies/friends. These days it is incredibly easy for someone to do something that could be considered culturally insensitive. Not every interpersonal issue needs to go to HR. Sometimes it's nice to talk to a trusted colleague something that only your religion/race/upbringing would understand.
Having worked at large enterprises and small enterprises I have witnessed and experienced a fair share of soft racism, weird random microaggressions/gaslighting, and people randomly being unpromotable/uncoachable/unhireable despite checking all of the boxes.
In conclusion I decided to focus on me, my work, my own personal growth as engineer, and protecting my mental health. These are concrete things I can measure and control.
No one is forcing you to attend these meetings, at the end of the day you are there to make money for the business and solve problems. Sooner or later there might be one or two people at these meetings and leadership will 'get' the message. Usually these meetings have anonymous surveys where folks can give feedback. On the other hand, the company believes it is worth something for you to know that they are attempting a diverse work place, otherwise they wouldn't have the meeting. I assume positive intent until proven otherwise.
If you want to figure out the 'spoon feeding' issue talk to your manager about why are you selected for tasks and why others are selected for tasks. I'd also change the 'spoon feeding' to something more positive. Spoon feeding has a negative vibe, like you are a helpless little crying baby just waiting for food. But, the reality is that you built a reputation to build software and deliver it on time. The business requires your expertise for certain tasks. The other part of spoon feeding is that there is 'food.' Who makes the baby's food? The CEO? The PM? Is it possible this baby could make their own food?
Essentially, you want to understand how are certain tasks doled out. You should ask if there are certain tasks that are promotion worthy and are those tasks fairly distributed? What tasks are 'beneath' your level i.e. did you spend a quarter working on a highly esoteric distributed problem that not a damn soul cares about, did you solve that nasty race condition that's been haunting the code base for years? This can be hard to get right because some problems are much harder to solve at certain companies than others. This conversation should reveal bias and/or general lack of competence within your manager. Then you will have to figure out how to manage your manager to get what you want out of the business.
There was one point at a startup where one engineer kept getting tasked 'big' issues and he delivered on them very well. I could have interpreted this as a fault of the company but I instead saw that he is a good engineer and can communicate and deliver on business items. On the other hand, he is also being spoon fed business objectives. Again, who is making all of this delicious food??? I had to grow in another way... I had to crawl into the kitchen, play with the ingredients, burn myself, and learn how to make my own food. From scratch mind you! I objectively look at the business without any hand holding and figure out where we could be more efficient, what we would change to save costs, risks/opportunities, and come up with a strategy to deliver. A good manager should give you hints about opportunities, but genuine curiosity can be a savior. I make the food now.
On a more personal note it is nice to have allies/friends. These days it is incredibly easy for someone to do something that could be considered culturally insensitive. Not every interpersonal issue needs to go to HR. Sometimes it's nice to talk to a trusted colleague something that only your religion/race/upbringing would understand.
Having worked at large enterprises and small enterprises I have witnessed and experienced a fair share of soft racism, weird random microaggressions/gaslighting, and people randomly being unpromotable/uncoachable/unhireable despite checking all of the boxes.
In conclusion I decided to focus on me, my work, my own personal growth as engineer, and protecting my mental health. These are concrete things I can measure and control.