I will second this. I am a late-30s recently divorced man, that got back on the dating 'market' about a year and a half ago after nearly two decades into a frustrating sexless marriage. I have a history of shyness/social anxiety, am very nerdy, balding, and struggle with weight issues- I am probably average or below average realistically. Yet I had a great time on Tinder- I was able to have sex with different women several times a week, and also found women would cold approach me at restaurants and in public places once I sorted myself out (see below).
I am convinced the actual negative attitude that you can't get any interest is the major reason guys don't- this victim/complaining/entitled attitude is the most unattractive thing to women.
Here are some of the things I did that worked for me:
* Heavy strength/weight training 3-4x/week
* Take the time to carefully build a Tinder profile that shows me having fun doing things I like (outdoor activities) but dressed well, with great lighting, etc.
* Practice emotional vulnerability (read Mark Manson: Models), especially saying out loud to girls anything I was afraid to say, that I was worried would turn them off
* Make really solid eye contact with women when talking and listening to them, in an even borderline creepy way - make them look away first
* Stop trying to 'win approval' or entertain women but just try to have fun myself, and enjoy the conversations, and sex
* Drive a 20+ year old 'exotic' sports car that looks impressive but cost less than most people spend annually on a smartphone, maintain it myself
* Wear nice clothes, and develop my own unusual sense of style (shows confidence)
* Intermittent fasting to keep weight somewhat under control
* Have a lot of hobbies, friends, and activities that make it almost hard for interested women to schedule enough time with me- don't hang around them with nothing to do
* Be confident in sharing my desires and interests, especially sexually (see vulnerability above)
* Be willing to lower standards really low at first- have sex with whoever is interested, even if they are older or a bit overweight. As I built confidence and experience, I gradually was able to date more and more attractive women over time.
* Live in a major metropolitan area with a lot of dating options.
* Develop a mindset of abundance and self-esteem: realize the truth that I am the only guy these girls are likely to find that has my life together this well, and they are very lucky to get to go on a date with me despite my shortcomings
Ultimately, I didn't find casual sex very fulfilling but really enjoy sex itself, with someone I have feelings for. I ended up deciding to enter a long term relationship with a girl from Tinder, and we have sex at least once a day, and are always pushing the limits and trying new things sexually.
Ultimately - a lot of this advice is decent but only works if you are already on the taller side, physically attractive to begin with (good face), and are willing to date down.
Generally, if you're not willing to date down - you will have a bad time as a man on these apps. It also depends on what you're looking for - as you're late 30's, you might not be looking for women in their 20's anymore. If you're looking for a childless relationship with a woman in their 30's and 40's - it's not as difficult. The difficulty rises exponentially when you want kids and the woman is in her 20's (even if it's 29.9). This bracket only gets more difficult as you age, not easier.
> Be willing to lower standards really low at first- have sex with whoever is interested, even if they are older or a bit overweight. As I built confidence and experience, I gradually was able to date more and more attractive women over time.
Also this literally has no effect on your ability to date online. Fucking ugly women isn't going to help you with online dating. It's all about your profile and that's it.
I know we're not supposed to make this kind of comment but I have to say your username matches your comment quite well.
The sad truth though is that a lot of quite normal men will never be able to do most of that, and for those suffering from anxiety, autism or something like that (it seems like quite a few here), they're quite disadvantaged if not fucked.
I am convinced the actual negative attitude that you can't get any interest is the major reason guys don't- this victim/complaining/entitled attitude is the most unattractive thing to women.
Here are some of the things I did that worked for me:
* Heavy strength/weight training 3-4x/week
* Take the time to carefully build a Tinder profile that shows me having fun doing things I like (outdoor activities) but dressed well, with great lighting, etc.
* Practice emotional vulnerability (read Mark Manson: Models), especially saying out loud to girls anything I was afraid to say, that I was worried would turn them off
* Make really solid eye contact with women when talking and listening to them, in an even borderline creepy way - make them look away first
* Stop trying to 'win approval' or entertain women but just try to have fun myself, and enjoy the conversations, and sex
* Drive a 20+ year old 'exotic' sports car that looks impressive but cost less than most people spend annually on a smartphone, maintain it myself
* Wear nice clothes, and develop my own unusual sense of style (shows confidence)
* Intermittent fasting to keep weight somewhat under control
* Have a lot of hobbies, friends, and activities that make it almost hard for interested women to schedule enough time with me- don't hang around them with nothing to do
* Be confident in sharing my desires and interests, especially sexually (see vulnerability above)
* Be willing to lower standards really low at first- have sex with whoever is interested, even if they are older or a bit overweight. As I built confidence and experience, I gradually was able to date more and more attractive women over time.
* Live in a major metropolitan area with a lot of dating options.
* Develop a mindset of abundance and self-esteem: realize the truth that I am the only guy these girls are likely to find that has my life together this well, and they are very lucky to get to go on a date with me despite my shortcomings
Ultimately, I didn't find casual sex very fulfilling but really enjoy sex itself, with someone I have feelings for. I ended up deciding to enter a long term relationship with a girl from Tinder, and we have sex at least once a day, and are always pushing the limits and trying new things sexually.