Is being lonely really that bad? I like being lonely, not that it makes me happy, as a matter of fact it may be opposite but I really didn't like when I was not lonely (or) say when I had to socialise, indulge in the small-talk just for the sake of it; I felt like having to constantly fake emotions and have insincere conversations.
I've almost completely cut off any realtime communication and my current lifestyle seems like a luxury which I had been missing earlier. This has helped me to focus on things which I would like to do.
You are describing being "alone", not being "lonely".
Lonely, is defined as "sad because one has no friends or company". Which I would say is unfortunately common in the modern world, where we believe the internet to connect people, but in reality it socially isolates.
Alone, simply meaning "having no one else present", is not that bad, no, until you start to feel lonely. I enjoy alone time for the same reasons you describe. However, too much of it leads to feelings of loneliness.
An ironic aside. I think many people, deep down, would rather feel slightly annoyed by turning down or avoiding social situations with friends, than to not have those situations available to them in the first place.
You're correct, by your definition I'm both alone and lonely. Lonely makes me sad but has improved productivity, where as socializing gave me what I would describe as 'Short term happiness which seemed fake & ridden with guilt later'.
That doesn't sound like a very healthy outlook on life. Trading social belonging for productivity is a Faustian deal if I've ever seen one, and a deal likely to lead to burnout and depression.
If socializing leaves you ridden with guilt for lost productivity, I'd recommend a paradigm shift.
Not guilty for lost productivity, but for having to fake emotions, showing interest in conversations which I have no real interest and most of all feeling powerless to cure problems of people when they tell about it.
Food for thought. Have you tried interacting socially without faking your emotions, pretending to be interested in things you aren't, and not trying to cure other peoples' problems?
I was running a startup quite successfully for 5 years as a single founder, single executive from an environment without a startup ecosystem. I recruited and trained employees personally; productivity became a necessity and a habit.
Had to close the startup due to physical health problems, now that I'm rebuilding my life I guess productivity has become more important.
Of course productivity is important, but it isn't an end in itself. Neither are high incomes or appearences of success. If you are lonely and have to sacrifice your health you really have to start thinking about what it is all for.
I agree completely, I'm cautious about physical health now and doesn't trade it for anything. But, that has resulted in me having very little time for productive work and hence I'm in a situation where I need to optimise every bit for it.
It is fun to be productive. Being the best performer on your team can make work very enjoyable. Also it is not fun to be unproductive. Being the worst performer on your team can make work very stressful.
Also it helps with promotions and therefore money if you work at a decent place. If you work on your own project your productivity matters even more.
More so when you're physically challenged, having interests which are alien to the locality and with opinions which are not synonymous with the society.
Don't move out of desperation, though, with no clear head. Moving costs energy (and money) as well. So be sure, that the new place is a better fit for you.
On the other hand .. do not overthink it. If you find a new place and it feels good - do it.
I moved this year with my pregnant wife from hell to maybe not paradiese, but pretty close, compared to the last place. It was a very sudden decision, quite close to birth and then action, action, action.
But it was worth it, staying in the safe, but miserable comfort we had there .. it would have been misery.
Now I enjoy ever day running woth my baby through the forest...
I've almost completely cut off any realtime communication and my current lifestyle seems like a luxury which I had been missing earlier. This has helped me to focus on things which I would like to do.