I like the principle of Stoicism. But I don't see how can that help with the suffering of the people I care about. I am fine with losing my job, my home or my social position (or at least so I think), but what about my spouse? my children? How can I still feel calm when I fail to support them?
I don't think the point is feeling completely calm when things are going bad.
For me, at least, one of the points of stoicism is learning how to take a step back and look at the situation through more rational lenses, and then figure out how to deal with it.
Take the situation you mentioned: failing to support for one's family. I think someone who strives to practice stoicism would do something like this:
- What are the reasons I'm failing to provide for my family? Am I spending too much? Is my salary too low? Is the place I live too expensive? Does my family spend too much money?
- Of those reasons, which ones do I have full control of? (This is were you can actually act on).
- Which ones do I have some control of? If your family is the cause of financial distress, there are some actions you can take (like talking to them and explaining things have to change), but you can't fully control their actions and thoughts.
- Which ones do I have no control of? Don't worry about these, there is nothing you can do anyways. But here is the catch, you are eventually going to worry about them. This is what people fail to get about stoicism. It is not a silver bullet that is going to take away all your worries. It is an instrument to help you overcome them, with reason. It takes some practice to get good at it.
> how can I still feel calm when I fail to support them
If your family can't continue "functioning" (like in pay rent maybe for a smaller place, pay for medical, pay for children's education) with only 1 active member working (your wife), you're living waaaay above the level you should be living at... Only one gaining form this is your employer because he knows you're "job addicted" and he can basically make you do anything. You're in a really bad deal, even if you're "livin' the dream" and not noticing it.
