Simple: A person's gender is a part of their personal identity. Chelsea Manning says that their gender is female, even if their biological sex is male.
As a consequence of respect for their personal identity as a member of society (and NOT fixating on their sex organs, which is frankly creepy), most people will refer to a trans* person as the gender they identify as, not the sex they were born with.
Or, if uncertain (because of genderfluidity and new pronouns like Xe/Xir/whatever), just using "singular they" and moving on with your life.
When we refer to things, we use words that convey our perception of them. People identify themselves a certain way, and I can identify them a certain way too. The notion of someone's gender has relevance to others. It doesn't make sense to go purely based on their own self perception.
For me, I tend to assign gender by sex. I don't want to disrespect myself by saying something I don't believe. On the other hand I don't want to disrespect others either. So for now my approach is to sidestep the issue and refer to all trans people with "they".
> When we refer to things, we use words that convey our perception of them.
We are not talking about cross-dressers. We are talking about transgender individuals. You wouldn't even be able to notice them standing in front of you once their transition is complete.
Then they might lead me to believe something I wouldn't believe if I knew more. It's not just about what I can see. (I see your point about the word "perception", probably a bad choice of words) But sure, maybe I'd even internalize it and accept it if I knew it but they appeared very convincing, at least for everyday interaction purposes. I probably am more resistant to that than I otherwise would be given the social climate.
> I'd even internalize it and accept it if I knew it but they appeared very convincing, at least for everyday interaction purposes
I don't understand that part. I think there are some concepts that are confusing you. All of the transgender individuals that I have known from before their transition pass as their new gender without any issues. The only way anybody would know if you told them.
Story time:
You know how men always like to boast and compare their masculinity while drinking? Well, one time we were out drinking with friends. A man from my high-school (who was a girl last I saw him) was with us. He is quite manly, has a beard and looks like what you would expect a fashionable young man in his mid twenties to look like.
After a few beer one of the guys turns toward the man in question and, without having a clue that this is a transgender individual and tells him: "We know how it is with you lucky guys who hit the genetic lottery and are so manly. With a beard like that I bet all the girls must be throwing themselves at you. I must be half the man you are." ... My jaw dropped.
It was a ridiculous situation to witness but it shows just how easy it is to be next to someone who has gone through a complete transition without having a clue. If you live in a city, I'm sure that you have called at least one or two transgender individuals by their new pronoun without being aware of it.
Amusing story. It wouldn't particularly bother me if they were that convincing and I ended up calling them by their new pronoun without realizing they were trans.
Gender is defined as: the state of being male or female (typically used with reference to social and cultural differences rather than biological ones).
For most people, your gender and your sex are congruent. For others, it isn't.
The definition of gender is not universally agreed upon. And it's pretty obvious that that definition is not the one the person you are replying to uses.
Definitions are also not fact, by definition.
There are plenty of valid arguments for calling trans people the gender they want to be. This isn't one since it isn't going to convince anyone who doesn't already agree with you.
Edit: The why do you care part is a valid argument, was addressing the rest of your comment
There are 7126 subscribers to the subreddit you linked. A notable feminist subreddit that is actively not transphobic (that I am not going to link to because I love it and I do not want it to be brigaded) has 214400 subscribers. So your sample is about 3% of the internet population if we believe that reddit is a representative sample.
I sincerely believe that the vast majority of women are tired of being used as an excuse for bigotry.
Absolutely not. The OP linked to reddit to demonstrate their viewpoint was shared by women, and I was countering their argument by demonstrating that it is relatively unpopular among women on the site that they linked.
I definitely understand the downvotes now that the comment has been flagged and is not able to be seen.
Nobody here has argued anything about biological sex. We're talking about personal identity, which is psychological and cultural instead of microbiological.
As a consequence of respect for their personal identity as a member of society (and NOT fixating on their sex organs, which is frankly creepy), most people will refer to a trans* person as the gender they identify as, not the sex they were born with.
Or, if uncertain (because of genderfluidity and new pronouns like Xe/Xir/whatever), just using "singular they" and moving on with your life.
It's a polite society thing.