I have a ridiculous amount of interest I could share. I will take your advice and see if I can find people who share those interest! I will also try and change my thoughts. It’s just hard to not feel like the world is closing in when it feels like nobody acknowledges your existence.
Why do you care if people acknowledge your existence?
Some people would love that and see it as a super power. Lots of interesting things going on in the world to explore, you should consider that what you think is the issue is not the answer, it has enough of it's own problems. People are annoying and get in the way of enjoying many things. Go enjoy life and stuff first, your 19, plenty of time to find friends along the way.
I think there's some good advice on this thread. Your issue definitely resonates with me, college was very lonely for me as well. HN itself doesn't lend itself to continued conversation (long threads lose their [reply] button and repeated postings from new accounts can turn automatically comments [dead], as in your case). You don't have an email posted, but you can –if you want– message mine. Just say "From HN", or whatever! I (internet rando) would like to talk to you.
I’d like to think I do make an effort in a way, I try to go to the events that are being held at school, I’ve joined a few clubs and I talk to some of the people there. But it doesn’t go anywhere from there. But I will admit I’m socially anxious and keep to myself, but when I see an opportunity to crack a joke I do. But still it leads no where, I’m just that funny quirky kid who made a joke at the holiday festival. I’m still an irrelevant person nobody cares about, and even if I get a few numbers, I end up having ti hold the entire “friendship” on my back until I’m tired and then it ends.
You need to push it, you can not stop, you need to make it a simple repeat loop otherwise there is no escape. Once you establish friends, act out of your comfort zone, it can become stable and your new daily routine. It's literally exposure therapy, the exposure here is to be secure in yourself and go out.
Everyone has this issue, some people have it worse. I would give anything to be normal in this regard, I've succeeded but I have a stutter which is horrible-- so imagine being able to just talk normally and go out in the world!
That last line, thats just negtative self talk. Stop that.
I do! But it’s exhausting always having to text them to hang out, if I don’t then we never talk again. I had a “friend” I consistently texted for 2 - 3 months and it seemed like everything was alright, I then had some personal things I had to take care of and wasn’t able to talk to them. I never heard from them again. Ouch.
I like programming, electronics, reading, maths and am getting a bike this week so I can spend more time outside! I love talking about these things with other people, and from what I can gather from their body language and facial expressions they also enjoy hearing what I have to say about my interest. But I also enjoy letting them talk about what they like to do so I can get to know them!
Maybe also try hiking as more people are into it, plus more opportunity to chat compared to biking. Look for hiking groups in your college. There will be bikers in that group too.
Also, any activity where you see the same people on a regular basis so they get to know you is great.
Thank you for responding! I do talk to people, in fact Im always the first to bring up events that are happening at school, around town or just in general asking to hang out and chill. It works for a bit, but then I either stop getting responses, or getting told they are free at X time but when X arrives they don’t show up or couldn’t show up, and then at the same time it’s depressing to always know you aren’t ever important enough to someone else for them to just reach out ONE time and ask you if you’d like to hang out, and yes I have ADHD.
Most people are not the ones initiating a hangout with others who they aren't yet friends with, they usually join in when invited if it fits their schedule/they are bored, etc. I'd recommend trying to brush off a bit the feeling of rejection since you don't have these connections yet. It sucks a bit but knowing it's completely normal might help you not feel it's something personal against you.
My recommendation is to keep trying with the ones you felt you could potentially click, I also have ADHD but never had much of an issue to make friends, and never made it a "goal", I just kept getting interested in people and would try to meet them again, most times it fizzles out even though you can have a nice time together but eventually some people stick around and become friends over time :)
Also try to have a well defined event, and be genuine, do things you like and try to invite people you met with these shared interests, in a casual and friendly way, people are more prone to join in when they don't feel there's pressure to do it.
I think the 3 first points of this comment [0] touch very much on the core of it, if you can strengthen against the feeling of rejection, and learn to be open and vulnerable (while balancing it to not become oversharing) it can go a long way to make people see and connect with you. Almost everyone is "in the closet" somehow, putting up a mask, when people meet someone that shows less of a mask and more themselves they usually will find those interesting.
Your comments are showing up dead by the way, probably because yours is a new account.
How are you asking, do you have a specific time or event? If you're just saying it generally, that "we should hang out sometime", it's just them being nice rather than having concrete plans.
People will only ask you if you're actually good friends with them, until then you must keep asking if you want to keep the friendship alive.
There is also a possibility that you might be coming off weird but I doubt it as many have ADHD and have friends fine.
