Same here. I start feeling anxious any time I think about it. I think we spend a lot of energy to serve commercial purposes. I am on a huge project, that uses a lot of modern technologies like AWS, Angular, etc... just to sell products.

It is boring. So like you said, I just try to find an opportunity that could help, but it's hard to find.

A reason why I could not leave my job right now, is that it's well payed. That's a high risk when you have a family with kids.